Bravely Bohemian

Breathe Deep, Be Brave

I’m Back! Let’s Do This!

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I am proof that life just sidetracks you sometimes. You may have noticed I haven’t written in this blog for a while. But good news: I’M BACK! With new adventures, crafty projects, and wisdom to ponder and share.

Karen from Bravely Bohemian in Gloucester, MA

Do you ever get that inner sense when you really need to move things forward in your life? I’ve been thinking about writing new content for a while now but trying to carve out a block of time has been challenging. What happened over the last few years? Oh, yes. Covid hit. My job got demanding. My husband and I were two of those people that fit in the “essential worker” category and continued to go into work every day throughout covid. No staying home and cleaning out closets for us. There was the exhaustion of navigating the pandemic. Then figuring out how to navigate after the pandemic. When I am not working at my job, I oversee an all-volunteer animal rescue organization that also runs a thrift shop. And I serve on a charter school board. Trying to get those organizations through the thick of the pandemic and back into a space of thriving also took a lot of energy.

And then it happened. This blog that was quietly just hanging out online went down. I forgot to update the expiration date of my credit card, so the hosting company pulled it when the renewal didn’t go through. AND I was so busy, I wasn’t paying attention. I noticed almost a month later. So, don’t do what I did! The hosting company had fun trying to restore my site- at a nice financial cost and time on the phone on my part- but they got it! In those painful hours on the phone, I had to decide if I wanted to just let it all go- including my published content- or keep trying until we got it back up on the web. I opted to bring it back online and promised myself that I would commit to working on my blog again.

Back to that inner sense part. Even when I was super busy with work, slogging along during the pandemic, participating in lengthy school board meetings via Zoom, and rebuilding momentum at our rescue and thrift shop, part of me missed sharing projects and ideas with you. I am once again shifting around my priorities and trying to listen to my inner self. Writing and creating are part of who I am, and I’ve realized for my well-being and balance, I need to slow down enough to do these things now and again.

So, yay! Here I am again! Let’s do this! Thanks for joining in the journey!

Learn more about Karen and the Bravely Bohemian blog here.

Understanding Fear in Yourself and Others

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As I get older, I’ve come to realize how much people operate from a space of fear. People use fear as a reason to protect themselves from being hurt and as a way to keep from moving forward. While everyone carries various levels of fear in their lives, it doesn’t have to define you.  Once you identify it, fear can become a choice. Understanding fear is the first part. Then, what you decide to do with that fear keeps you stuck or helps you move forward spiritually.

I am a big believer in the universe giving us opportunities to learn and grow as spiritual beings. The universe will keep giving you certain types of experiences until you learn to handle those situations in new ways. Often, it’s much later before you are able to look back and understand the lessons. But they are usually there if you choose to look.

Louisa May Alcott_quote_I’m not afraid of storms

Understanding Fear

There are two different types of fear to practice observing: fear that is your own and then fear that is someone else’s.

Start by taking a self-inventory. Write down the biggies, like fear of heights, fear of flying, and/or fear of public speaking.  Then commit to digging deeper. If I am really truthful with myself, here are some that are on my list:

*Fear of rejection.

*Fear of not being enough.

*Fear of being misunderstood.

*Fear of failure.

*Fear of being judged.

*Fear of not being worthy.

As you continue to write down your list, breathe deep and be brave. This is an opportunity for discovery. While you may be aware of the first few on your list, as you continue to write, you will start to go deeper and may surprise yourself with what comes up. Your initial response may be to reject some of what comes up: ”That’s not really me” or “That can’t be true.” Write everything down, no matter how surprising or painful. Some part of you deep down is wounded and needs to have a voice.

Next, take a few more breaths and then read through your list. How do you feel as you read through each fear? Note which ones are most painful. The fears that are deepest and most painful are usually your strongest triggers when life gets tough.

Quote by Thich Nhat Hanh_The Only Way to Ease Our Fear

Discover Your Triggers

What do I mean by triggers? Let’s go back to human evolution. Everyone has heard of the fight or flight response. A caveman or cavewoman is out hunting and gathering and happens upon a large predator. The predator spots them and there is a moment of immediate tension and adrenaline. The body floods both creatures with a chemistry that tells the brain it is time to fight or run like your life depends on it to safety.

Have you ever experienced the full intensity of the fight or flight response? Maybe in a true emergency, such as right before a car accident? Or in a semi-controlled environment, such as right before you leap if you’ve ever bungee jumped? Those are life-changing moments that stay with us.


And that’s the point, there are all sorts of things that stay with us in our lives. We are experiential beings. As humans evolved, we’ve learned to use aspects of the fight or flight response on a regular basis. Some experts call it the pain or pleasure principle. From the beginning, we learn what brings us pleasure and what brings us pain. Our evolutionary programming jumps into gear to help us try and avoid anything that brings pain. Our brains store memories around painful things so that when we encounter similar situations in the future, the brain kicks in and says, “Wait! This was painful last time! Stop! Don’t go there! Beware! Be afraid!” We often bury these experiences deep and pile other examples of pain on top of them to the point where we aren’t even aware of these feelings anymore. Until something triggers the fear response again.

Like I said earlier, the universe loves to test you to try and keep you growing deeper into your spiritual self. What is the saying? We are spiritual selves having a human experience?

I was recently tested, and have been reflecting on the list of fears I noted for myself above. A person I very much respected turned on me, told me some harsh things about myself and really crossed my boundaries. What made the situation extra painful was that I did not expect it. The situation kicked up all kinds of triggers for me. Let’s just say I had to really breathe deep and be extra brave to walk through the last few weeks. I am still reflecting on some of what was said and reconciling what I experienced with who I know I am.

Learn From Your Triggers

So that’s the next part of the lesson: be aware when something triggers you. If you are truly aware when it is happening, then you can choose how you will react. When you find yourself in a situation where you feel afraid, you can choose whether to proceed or hold back. When someone provokes you into an argument, you can choose to participate or not. You can hear what is being said and decide if it has merit or not. You can choose to defend yourself or just watch the other person go into a dither without having to lose your power. Some situations are just about unavoidable. However, you can control much of it by being proactive instead of reactive.

I don't let go of my thoughts_quote by Byron Katie

When you look back at the situation, figure out what you can learn. What triggers came up? How did you handle the situation? What did you do poorly? What can you improve upon next time you are in a similar predicament? If you were triggered by another person, is there merit to anything they were saying? Or were they just coming from a place of their own fear?

Dealing With Other People’s Fears

So now we’ve come to the other type of fear that is worth observing- other people’s fears. As humans, we tend to be quick to point out things in other people. And we can often be mean about it, focusing on where we think other people are falling short, instead of building them up. For most of us, it takes practice to be positive and find the good in each other.

People act out, say negative things, become competitive or behave passive-aggressively when they are coming from a place of fear. Part of them is frightened that there isn’t enough___ (fill in the blank- love, power, money, basic resources, etc.) to go around.

Knowing people are coming from a place of fear gives you the opportunity to step back and breathe in the moment of intensity. It’s hard to do and takes practice.

Sometimes people need to be heard and it’s best to let them vent. Knowing that they are coming from fear and pain, gives you the option to have empathy towards that person. If the situation becomes personal, you have the option of defending yourself (which often doesn’t work in the heat of the moment) or telling the person, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” By using this phrase you acknowledge what they are saying but you don’t lose your power. It’s a neutral phrase, so practice keeping the energy neutral as you say it.

You can also always breathe, ground yourself and then choose to remove yourself from the situation. There’s no reason you need to stand there and take it. That doesn’t mean you have to go storming off. It’s usually best to just quietly announce that the situation has become heated and you are leaving now but are willing to readdress the issue when things are calmer. Sometimes you do have to be firm with the other person and tell them you need some space to think, then do what you need to do to take it.

Understanding Fear as a Mirror

Another thing you may notice is that people often point out in others things that mirror places of pain within themselves. It’s so much easier to point to people and say what their faults are than look within and take true inventory of ourselves. The universe surrounds us with people we can learn from, and the closer the relationship, the more reflective they can be. In other words, those close relationships will often trigger things within you until you choose to learn and grow. Knowing this gives you power to handle things better in your life.

Eleanor Roosevelt Quote_The purpose of life

When you are in a quiet space, think about what the other person said in the heat of the moment or complains about in less heated times. It may be comments about you, someone else, or just in general. First, if directed at you, see if there is any merit to the words and if there is anything you can do to improve yourself. Now reflect on the person who said them. Why are these points of pain for that person? What can you do to acknowledge and support their points of pain and help them to grow through them?

However, you have to tread very carefully here. Just because you are aware of the patterns doesn’t mean the other person is aware or willing to work on things. Timing is everything. And you don’t want to enable them. You CAN’T FIX the other person. But you can be gentle and have empathy for where that person is at in their lives. And you can always work on yourself.

At a quiet, neutral time, you can try saying something like, “The other day you seemed very upset about ____. Is there anything I can do to help you feel more supported? I just want you to know you are not alone.” If the other person triggers and immediately gets angry, you’ll know they are not ready to acknowledge their pain and fear yet. Sometimes people will want to talk about what happened and your acknowledgment will provide an opportunity for healing and forgiveness.

Understanding Fear Changes Your Life

While you can never completely overcome fear in your life, you can learn to recognize it in yourself and others. Recognizing that you or someone else is operating from a place of fear gives you the power of choice in any given moment. Fear can hold you back, but choice can propel you forward. Fear gives you many opportunities to grow as a spiritual being and have empathy towards others. The next time fear enters your life, I encourage you to breathe deep and be brave. You may surprise yourself what you learn.

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Introducing a New Cat to Your Household

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Introducing a new cat to your household can be a real challenge.

Introducing New Cats to Your Home

We have always had at least one cat living in our household and have taken in various neighborhood strays over the years. I now volunteer with an animal rescue group in our community. The group runs a thrift shop, where we can introduce the cats we are fostering to our customers in a laid back, zen way and help find them new forever homes.

For the last month, we have had Mitzi Rose, hanging out at our house. She was adopted by our organization’s president a little over a year ago. Mitzi’s human mama is on vacation, and since we only have one cat in residence right now, we invited Mitzi to visit us here at Camp McMahon.

Introducing New Cats to Your Household-Mitzi Rose
Mitzi Rose

Introducing a new cat for the first time can be a bit rocky. Cats are extremely independent creatures and can be very territorial. The key is to be patient and give the cats time to settle into an acceptable household routine. Here are some suggested steps for a smooth transition when introducing a new cat to your home:

1. Let Your Current Pets Know There is a Change.

Whenever we bring a new animal into our home, we let our current pets see that there is someone new. We briefly let them see the pet carrier so both the resident cat(s) and the new cat recognize from a distance that there are other beings in the house.

Introducing New Cats to Your Household_Huff
Huff

2. Create a Safe Space.

Next, we bring the cat into a small room, such as my office or spare bedroom, and shut the door. The cat will live in this room for at least several days, so before bringing the cat home, we set up the room with fresh food and water, comfy bedding and a new litter box (so it doesn’t have the other cat(s)’ scent on it). Once in the room, we open the carrier and let the cat decide for itself when it is ready to come out into the room. Next, we hang out while the cat explores the room. Once it seems comfortable with the space, we will leave the cat alone for a bit to settle in.

Introducing New Cats to Your Home_Tab Cat
Tab Cat

3. Honor Your Other Pets.

This change is a big deal for everyone in the household, so be sure to also spend time with your other pets. We take the time to play with our current cats and feed them treats to let them know they are just as important to us.

Introducing New Pets to Your Home_Phantom
Phantom

4. Let the New Cat Explore.

Once your new cat gets comfortable with its one-room surroundings, open the door and invite them to now explore the house. Before doing this, remove your other pets from the area. We let our current cats go outdoors or close them into a bedroom when they are sleeping. We then follow the new cat as they wander about so they feel as safe as possible and to monitor their behavior. We don’t want them marking territory or getting into a hiding place where we can’t locate them later. The new cat may enjoy the larger space or want to escape back into their “safe room.” Allow them to have that liberty.

Bringing a New Cat into Your House_Dallas
Dallas

5. Make Introductions
Once the new cat is more comfortable with the lay of the land, you are ready to try introducing them to your other pets. You will have to judge whether to try this on the same day after you first let them explore the larger house or wait. Most likely, you will need to do introductions a day or two later. Being patient and taking baby steps is key.

Open the door to the new cat’s room and again, let them come out into the house at their own pace. They will see your other pets all in due time and most likely, no one will be happy. Let everyone observe each other from a distance and approach one another slowly. We usually have yummy food and supplies such as tuna, treats, catnip and string available. We also have a broom and a water spritzer bottle ready to go.

Introducing a New Cat to Your Home_Libby
Libby

Cats, in particular, can be very defensive creatures. Many will try and establish a pecking order right away. Hissing is to be expected and they may try and slug each other when they approach one another. We allow a certain amount of this to go down unless it looks like the claws and teeth are going to come out in a big way. Then we carefully separate the cats and remove the new cat back to its safe room while letting the resident cats retreat to their own safer spaces.

You may want to wear long sleeves and/or gloves if you think the introductions may get aggressive so you don’t get hurt. Sometimes animals will attack at the moment there is a distraction, such as you stepping in, so be confident in your actions and alert. If the aggression gets out of hand, use the broom and or spray bottle to break up the argument, then remove the cats to separate rooms.

Some introductions go fairly smoothly. And even if they don’t, repeating the process of meeting over several days usually eventually works. We try feeding the cats tuna, catnip, and/or treats in the same room and use the food distraction to get the cats to warm up to each other. We also use toys, such as string or a kitty fishing pole to play with both cats simultaneously. Some will play with the same toy, whereas others will play in the space as long as they have their own toys.

How to Help Cats Get Along
Phantom, Dallas & Tab Cat

6. Continue to Monitor Behavior

Usually, within a few days, the cats have enough tolerance of each other that you can leave the house open and let them all roam as they please. Keep an eye on behaviors. If they are trying to establish a pecking order, they sometimes get a little devious. One cat may block the other from safely getting to the food bowl or wolf their own food and then shove the other cat out of the way to eat their food too. One cat may block a key route such as the stairs that lead to the litterbox or chase them when they leave the litterbox. They may argue over a sunbeam or piece of furniture.

Try to establish yourself as the top of the pecking order. Don’t be afraid to use voice commands, clap your hands, use your water bottle or give your cats timeouts if you see undesirable behavior. While cats are not as trainable as dogs, and can certainly be more defiant, they are very smart and will eventually respect your house rules.

It can be stressful introducing a new cat to your household, but once you get past the initial steps and settle into a routine, having multiple cat companions can be immensely rewarding.

Introducing New Cats to Your Home

Welcome to BravelyBohemian.com…

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Welcome to BravelyBohemian.com and the adventure ahead of us! As you’ve probably figured out from my bio, I live a pretty eclectic life. I have many interests and have crafted a bohemian lifestyle for myself whenever possible.

While I have spent much of my life dressed up and undertaking type-A work, my real personality is much more bohemian. I sometimes describe myself as an “earth baby in a suit” or a “holistic gypsy,” which often surprises people. They don’t expect the laid-back, spiritual side hanging out under my well-tailored clothing.

Bravely_Bohemian_Karen_McMahon_and Bear_BravelyBohemian.com

To me, a bohemian is someone who:
• Quietly, but confidently, makes their own way in the world,
• Is unafraid to think out of the box,
• Is game to try new things,
• Wants to know what lies around the next corner,
• Enjoys finding humor in their life,
• Loves to immerse themselves in their surroundings,
• Thinks and feels deeply,
• Loves wholeheartedly,
• Ultimately follows their own path.

Karen_and_Al_McMahon_Bravely_Bohemian_BravelyBohemian.com

Bravely Bohemian is a journey to uncover more of myself as I share my work, interests and spiritual experiences with you. And get ready to laugh as I share quirky adventures along the way! Life is never dull around here, that is for sure!

Are you game to start your bravely bohemian adventure? Start here!